Tuesday afternoon (today is Thursday) I started to feel like shit. I was running a small fever and my gut hurt, most of the pain was in the lower right hand side of my abdomen. Felt a little nauseous, but never puked.
Tuesday night, I couldn’t sleep at all, I had fever chills and felt like I had a gut full of broken glass. The next morning I called my Dr. I get an appointment for 3 pm. Spend the rest of the day alternating between being curled up in the fetal position with pain and feeling not too bad.
Get to the Dr. office, his PA takes my temp (99.7) and asks where the pain is, I show her, she presses on my abdomen and I jump like she’s stabbed me with a hot knife. She gets this weird look on her face and says she’s going to call an ambulance, because she thinks my appendix is either about to burst or already has. I say “Fuck that”, the hospital is 2 blocks away, I’ll just drive myself. She starts in on how she doesn’t think that’s a good idea. But at this point I’m already heading for the door.
I get to the ER (the PA called ahead) and they’re waiting for me. They slap me on a gurney, hook me up to an iv and hit me with some Staydol (the world’s shittiest opoid pain reliever, seriously I’d have rather had tylenol). Dr orders a CT scan and they rush me down for the scan.
After the scan they rush me to another room and start blasting me with consent forms for surgery and shit. I’m freaking out and trying to get somebody to bring me my clothes so I can get my cell phone and call my wife. I tell em I ain’t signing shit till they let me call. Then they leave, and they leave me lying in that room alone for about an hour. I’m thinking “Fuck, they’re gonna let me die because I was a pain in the ass about the phone”
After about an hour the ER doctor comes in and I swear it’s like he’s trying not to smile. He say’s “The CT scan was negative, it’s not your appendix, I want to try something”. He grabs my legs behind my knees and pulls em up to my chest…and I farted, for like 45 seconds straight with no breaks, just a continuous blast. Sounded like somebody was ripping about twenty yards of fabric.
Dr tells me I probably got some kind of minor gut bug (explains the fever) and gas that got trapped and caused the pain. He was laughing when he filled out my discharge paperwork.